--Emile M. Cioran
Our story begins on a typical sunny day on the south side of Los Angeles. Blue skies, cool breeze, and the subtle suffocating fog of pollution made for an almost perfect day. Birds chirped, children laughed and the faint sound of sirens meant that somewhere the civil authorities were responding to a fire or a robbery. Even the tune of "pop goes the weasel" could be heard emanating from what was surely a pedophiliac ice cream truck. Yes all the signs were there, it was a typical day in L.A. So it seemed.
"Let's go." were the first words of the rest of the Dust's life. Little did the Dust know these two words would be the beginning of a trip into the very heart of futility in America. What began as a simple, if not routine, trip to the Apple Store for a new computer battery, would turn into a four hour marathon of unanswered questions and stifling bureaucratic red tape. The battery which allowed the Dust to enjoy the satisfying omnipotence of online tyranny had begun to diminish over time requiring a constant power supply and thus limiting the Dust's opportunities to provide his biting social commentary in a bold and what some would call "megalomania driven" attempt to rid the world of babies and meaningful relationships. "I'll drive" were the only words to be spoken by the Dust's dashingly hansom friend. The Pope was one of the Dust's oldest friends and one whose charm was only overshadowed by his striking good looks.
Exiting the vehicle the pair began walking to the store. The Pope thought back on his life and was still puzzled why the Dust had elected to travel to the Apple store for his new battery when one could have easily been purchased online. When the Pope, out of sheer benevolence, had offered this piece of most gracious information, the Dust launched into a tirade that usually followed any attempt to question his power or foresight. The Dust reminded the Pope of their respective place in the universe and at one point exclaimed "I am the law!" Once inside the store the Pope left the Dust to his own devices. After a few minutes of browsing, carousing and general merrymaking, including a slight security situation when just by simply requesting information on a set of headphones, no less than three female employees confessed their undying love for the Pope and had to be physically removed. When the Pope returned, he discovered the truth behind the Dust's insistence on traveling to the Apple store. In the previous weeks the Dust had talked often of increasing his influence to almost mythic proportions. Now he was in position to do so, by purchasing an iPhone. The iPhone would allow the Dust to be constantly plugged in to his online dominion. Now anywhere, anytime the Dust wished, he could crush the dreams of neophyte social comedians and cinematic artists while building a foundation to elevate himself into the realm of online supernova. His prowess would leave the likes of the Orwellian "Big Brother" in his wake while he spat in face of Zeus himself.
With the fate of humanity hanging in the balance of the Dust's bank account, which most scholars theorize to rival the Vatican, the transaction was suddenly cancelled. This news infuriated the Dust and he lashed out vociferously and cursed the gods at their pitiful attempt to quell his ascent. The gods were much cleverer than the Dust had anticipated and locked the Dust's fortune behind a firewall that could only be broken by the true Dust himself. "Fools!" exclaimed the Dust. "I will simply call the bank, inform them of the situation and all will be right with the world." The Dust reached into his pocket and produced his soon-to-be obsolete phone. Unbeknownst to the Dust, during the act of purchasing the iPhone, his old phone had been deactivated in preparation for him to embrace his destiny. His old phone was now a paperweight. "Well played..." was all the Dust could muster with a slight nod to the gods.
Fearing reprimand beyond comprehension the Pope offered his phone in assistance with the Dust's conundrum. When the business had been settled the two travelers returned inside only to find that the original employee had fled the scene. This was according to his replacement but the Pope couldn't help but wonder if the Dust had ritualistically killed the lowly employee behind his back. The new employee informed the Dust that there was such a place where all mistakes could be remedied. Where those inside had the power to right this injustice and restore to the Dust the glory that had fled him.
So the Pope and the Dust set off for the fabled AT&T store where, if the Apple employee was correct, they would find the answers the Dust was seeking. The Dust negotiated with the leaders of the AT&T and discovered that the curse of the pass-code was on his phone. Pass-codes were an ancient form of security handed down from the keepers of the funds to the elders of each family. The Dust now had to contact his mother to discover the hidden pass-code. Once again the path to immortality was wrought with turmoil and time-zones for by the time the Dust had reached his mother, it was too late to retrieve the pass-code. Too dangerous to be kept close at hand the pass-code had remained hidden from even the Dust's own mother and her and the family would be leaving for the land of Florida on the morrow and thus would be unable to assist the Dust in his time of need. In a feeble attempt to buy favor and pardon from the Dust, the leaders of the AT&T gave as a gift a useless SIM card. The Pope and the Dust returned to the Apple store but not until after the Dust had reduced the store to a smoldering pile of rubble.
Once back at the Apple store the Dust was informed of the true reality of the gods treachery. For without the pass-code he would be forever bound to his earthly phone and could not harness the power of the iPhone. Even the validity of his bank account had been called into question making the purchase of a computer battery impossible, and given the much more sobering situation with the phone, irrelevant.
So the Pope and the Dust traveled homeward. They had set out to purchase a computer battery and an iPhone but had only received a deactivated phone beyond repair instead. There are those who say the Dust's power diminished forever that day and that the gods laughed loudest and best. Still, there are those who shiver at the thought of the Dust's return. Indeed a legend has begun to grow of the Dust passing through the firewall of his bank account. That he himself harnessed the power of a newly created pass-code and is even now awaiting the arrival of the moment when he can grasp the iPhone in his hands and rise to power once again.
III,
