Shredded Tweet

So, I have a problem. I find myself faced with an uncontrollable need to let my friends, family and co-workers know exactly what I'm up to all the time. I mean sometimes I'll just be walking along and I'll think of something really ironic about my t-shirt or the fact that I think stickers could save the economy or maybe just feel the need to quote a random song that makes people wonder what's really going on under my skin in this crazy mixed up world. But alas, I guess I'll have to settle with updating my Facebook status whenever I'm around my computer, laptop or cell phone. Oh if there was only a place I could go on the Internet that was accessible from my computer, laptop and cell phone that allowed me to post my inner thoughts, fears, song lyrics, mindless ramblings, comments on the weather and uneducated misinformed theories on deeply social and philosophical ideas. I don't want to deal with profile information, photos, videos or invites to social and political events, no, I just want to tell people what I'm thinking right now or they'll never truly understand or accept me. 

Ladies and gentlemen, there is such a place in cyberspace. A place where self-indulged celebrities and self-indulged joe somebodies alike can post messages to anyone who has nothing else to do but be spoon fed quips from people they know or wish they knew. The amorphous blob that is devouring the consciousness of America and the ultimate downfall of privacy and originality is Twitter.

The fundamental problem I have with Twitter is who cares? Do you really think your friends need to know what you watched on television last night? Another question I have is when did we develop this desire to let people into our lives on a moment by moment basis? Has reality TV invaded so much of our culture that even when no one respects reality TV we all have this secret desire to be "on" all the time? Do we really feel the need to behave like cameras and microphones are constantly rolling waiting to capture that "gem" of wit or social humor? Sadly, that would almost be acceptable, if Twitter was a place for the exchange of social and cultural witticisms and cynicisms between people of all classes and walks of life. It is not however, instead it is a place for people who get upset at the prospect of the government wiretapping and violating their right of privacy, spray painting their every mundane utterance all over one of the most non secure forums outside of a bulletin board in a frat house, the Internet. 

Finally, the introduction of celebrities into the fray of the masses. The art of "Buzz Marketing" strikes again. Buzz marketing was invented by companies who were too tired of creating something original for the consuming public that they advised a way to poll the populace to try and figure out what alternative, non-mainstream, fad, consumers were interested in. Then, the big companies would either 1) buy out the fad or 2) create their own knock-off polished commercialized version. All of this in an attempt to remain relevant. As enticing as the allure is of "following" (never mind the stalker lingo) a celebrity on Twitter to see what makes them tick, the truth behind why they have allowed themselves to be viewed in this forum is lost. Celebrities have to keep you interested in their lives because that's how most of them make money. When celebrities "tweet" they are reminding you that they are still out there (as if we didn't know) and not to forget how funny and candid, or eccentric the parts of their lives they shared with you are, the next time they have a project up for sale. 

So the next time you think of something culturally relevant to say, or have a moment of clarity in this ever increasingly serious world, save it. Get together with your friends in a social space (not Myspace) for some non-Facebook, face time and exchange ideas the old fashioned way, with good conversation. Take the time to formulate an opinion or cultivate a philosophy before splattering it for all the world to see. Realize that maybe not everyone should be privy to your whereabouts at all times. And finally, come to terms with your own self worth, be your own person, and not a mindless Twit.